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Donnie Baker (Special Event)

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Donnie Baker
Friday, January 10, 2020 7:00 PM
Penguin's Comedy Club - Cedar Rapids, Cedar Rapids, IA
  • 21 & over
  • Two drink minimum
  • Special Event
Admission Type Price Quantity
Online ticket sales close at 4PM the day of a show. Walk-in's welcome if not a sold out show.
Show Details
  • Ticket Price: $23.00 - $26.00
  • Show Type: Stand Up
  • Restrictions: 21 & over
    Two drink minimum
    Special Event

You know him, you love him! Well-known from The Bob and Tom Show, we welcome DONNIE BAKER!

“Due to the fact I’m still on probation much of my background is sealed in Court 7. I swear to god it is. You can look it up but good luck getting access because the new judge is a dick and I’d say it right to his face thru a privacy fence. Again!

A lot of people think my Mom Phyllis is my real mom. Well, she ain’t! She’s the one who basically raised me from a little bad ass in adult diapers because I was born with a condition called “Pork-a-phatitis.” Let’s just say my pork sword needed more leg room and regular pull ups wouldn’t fit me. I wasn’t even able to do regular push ups until my arms grew out when I was 14 years old. I was raised in a strip club named XXXandues when my Mom Phyllis (Sheena/Vegas/Champagne) basically ran the place. And she made more money in one summer with a broke arm than most the other girls put together. And she couldn’t even push her boobs together like they could. So you know she’s fire ass hot!

I got my first boat when I was 17 years old. I’ve had 4 boats since including the one I’m trying to sell. When I do sell it, I’m going to get a bigger boat, so take that Mitchell. The worst place to be in life is between boats. I’ve been there too many times and I swear to god I’m never going back to that dark place. I love my boat and hate to see it go. But I’ll never sell my 7 trophies which are still in the front window at Discount Karate. I probably know more about the marshal arts than anybody I know of!

My best friend for life is Scotty Winkler. Scotty is good people and the only honest, friend I can truly trust. I can’t wait until he gets out. Me and Scotty have been with more hot girls than anybody I know of. He was the one who introduced me to Angel Skinners. And I was the one who told him about Patty Fergusons. Looking back it’s kind of like the circle of life because now I’m with Patty and he’s been with Angel. I know. Twilight zones. Scotty is also the only other friend I have who really understands what its like to live and think like the harvest wolf. Welcome to the pack Scotty!

My job sucks. I work for somebody who ain’t even qualified to be a supervisor. And I’d say it right to your face Randy! Dishman hired me anyways and rumor has it your days or numbered anyways. I’m tired of breaking down cardboard boxes for minimum wage especially the boxes are maximum weight. I could sue your ass. And who gave you the right to take FICA out of my check? So Shut Up Randy!!

My Uncle Sonny has played cards with a lot of famous people including Burt Reynolds. I think David Coverales is why rock n roll is still alive today. And my goal is to push Trojan rubbers to keep working until they find one that fits me! I’ve put stretch marks in a can coozie before so do the math! If you have any other questions about my background you can look it up or call my pager to ask me right to my face.”


*SEATING IS NOT GENERAL ADMISSION - PENGUIN'S ASSIGNS ALL SEATING.  SEATING IS ASSIGNED BASED OFF OF WHEN TICKETS ARE PURCHASED.


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